Things that will NEVER happen!
by Tomboi101
Summary: This is a show about the stuff that will NEVER happen on Inuyasha.. but would be awsome if it would! WARNING: May pee your pant's... you've been warned.
1. Episode 1! Welcome

Things that will NEVER happen!

Chapter 1

Hello! I'm your host, Riku! I hope you are ready to pee your self! This is a show (AKA Fanfic) about the Inu Gang. Thing's that HOPFULLY will never happen. Ok! First scenario!

If Inuyasha died…

Naraku, Sesshomaru, and Jaken sat in a chamber eating chicken. Suddenly the door opens and Inuyasha walks in. "OOOOOOOOOOO! Narakuuuuu, I'm a ghosssst! OOOOOOOOO Feeaaaar meeeee!" he said, if a spooky voice, flailing his arms. "AHHH! A GHOST! IT WASN'T ME! THE TOAD DID IT!" Naraku screamed in a freakishly girly voice. Jaken started chocking on a chicken bone. He died. Sesshomaru started poking him. "Damn…. He's dead! Who'll look after Rin while I'm doing stuff! Stupid Jaken!" and Sesshomaru started stomping on Jaken. Naraku blinked. "Ok…. Um… I'll just go then…" and off Inuyasha left, leaving a dead Jaken, a MAD Sesshomaru, and a crying Naraku behind him.

Ahahaha! That was weird! Next up! Ohh, I love Sesshomaru! But this one is about Inuyasha, Kagome and Kikyo!

If Inuyasha, Kikyo and Kagome were left in a room together.

"Inuyasha, ditch Kagome and come with me!" cried Kikyo, hugging Inuyasha. "Uhhhhhhh…." "DAMN IT! Like hell! At least I'm ALL woman, unlike you, you man!" screamed Kagome. "Well, I couldn't tell by lookin at you! Your so FLAT!" yelled Kikyo. "Exuse ME! Miss 'I attract men on drugs!'" "I do NOT!" "Do!" "NOT!""DO!""NOT!" "Then what do you call Naraku?" Kagome yelled. "….." replied Kikyo. "Aha!" "Well, your mom must be dead, because one look at you and ANY ONE would die!" Kagome pulled out an arrow and stabbed Kikyo to death. "AHA! I rule! MUAHAHAHA! Inuyasha is MIIINE!" hugs Inuyasha. She strokes his head. "My precious…. Hissssssssss" "Uh…. Ok then…" said Inuyasha.

YES! DOWN with Kikyo. Sadly Kagome would never do that. Oh well! This is getting interesting! Next we have a scene with Miroku, Sango and 3 random girls who love Miroku!

If Sango got REALLY mad!

Sango glared as Miroku were talking to the three girls. "DAMN IT!" and she body checked a blond. "Hands off BLONDY! Miroku is MINE!" and she beat the blond to a pulp with her Hirikotsu. "Any one ELSE want to try me?" and the other two ran off. Miroku blinked. "Your MINE Miroku…. All mine!" and she put Miroku in a cage. "Muahaha! MINE! MINE! MIIIINE!" and she started poking with a stick, making "Tee hee!" she cried.

OMG! Sango! Your so mean! Anyways, next scene is with Kagome and Sango! Ohhh, this'll be good!

If Kagome and Sango where in a hot spring…

"Kagome, Miroku is waaay better than Inuyasha!" said Sango randomly. "NO WAY! Inuyasha is always defeating the demons cause Miroku can't use his only talent, the wind-tunnle!" cried Kagome. "Really? Who is always's getting us places to sleep?" asked Sango. ""Phhht, SURE, he lies to people to get us a free stay! BIG whoop! Inuyasha is STONGER and HOTTER than Miroku!" cried Kagome screamed. Sango slapped Kagome. Kagome yanked Sango's hair. Sango shoved Kagome under the water. Kagome pulled her under with her. Then they stopped. "You know who's hottest? Sesshomaru!" cried Kagome. "Hey, I guess your right! He's MINE!" cried Sango. "No mine!" and they got in another cat fight. "Hissssss" cried Kagome. "Meow!" cried Sango. They got dressed and left.

Ok, random. But Miroku is hotter than Inuyasha, by 1 point! Sesshomaru dose out hot them though. Ahahaha! Ok, I put that on in cause I'm a because I am a fan lol. Moving on. Our last one for the night folks! Relax! There is always the next episode! (Or chapter….)

If Sesshomaru and Inuyasha went to a spa…

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru walked into a spa. The lady looked at Sesshomaru. "Ummmm, this is an all male spa… no woman aloud. Mister, next time leave your wife at home" "WHAT! You prat! I AM a man! And we are BOTHERS! You disgust me!" said Sesshomaru. Inuyasha wanted to hurl. "Oh! My apologize. This way" and she brought them into the mud room, and shoved Sesshomaru into it. "AHAHA! MUAHAHA!" she cried and ran off, leaving Inuyasha laughing on the ground. "AHA! Sesshomaru! You look so pretty! AHAHAHAHA!" Inuyasha chocked out. "See? This is EXACTLY why I hate going to these places with you. Same old. Lady calls me a woman, shoves me in mud pool, run away, you laugh your butt off. This sucks" Sesshomaru whined. Inuyasha laughed harder. "BUT IT GETS FUNNIER EVERY TIME!" and Seshhomaru and Inuyasha left. One with a happy smile, one dripping in mud. Now if you can't figure out which one's which, your retarded.

OMG! Poor Sesshy! I'll kill that woman! Grrrrrrrr. Anyway's! Thanks for watching! (Or reading…) Tune in next time for the next episode! (CHAPTER!) Sent me some idea's for things that will NEVER happen! And who know's, you might make a guest appearance to host your idea! See you next time! Embaressing stuff is funny… when it isn't happening to you!


	2. Episode 2! CoHost

Things that will NEVER happen!

Chapter 2

Ah! Welcome back! Riku here to make you laugh so hard you shall die! AHAHAHA! Just joking! Today we have Sakura-Sama here today! How are you?

SS: I'm Fine Riku! Shall I introduce the first scene?

Yes!

SS: This is with Sesshy and Rin! This'll be good!

If Rin asked where babies came from…

"Sesshomaru Sama! Where do babies come from?" Rin asked. "Uhh….. um…. Jaken?" Sesshomaru looked at Jaken. "Nu uh! Like HELL I'm talking to that brat! I QUIT!" Jaken huffed. "Nooooo! Jaaaaaaaken! I um, I love you." Sesshomaru cried, clinging to Jaken. Jaken whacked Sesshomaru and ran away. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Sesshomaru. "So… where _do_ babies come from" Rin asked. "From girls tummies. If their fat, they have a baby" Sesshomaru guessed. "Oh! Ok!" Suddenly a group of fat ladies walk by. "Hey! Look Sesshomaru! Their FAT! THEY HAVE BABIES!" cried Rin excitedly. Sesshomaru was then beaten to a pulp by the fat ladies and they ran away.

AHAHAHAHA! Sesshomaru! That was hilarious! Wouldn't you say Sakura?

SS: Yep! Just wait till ya see the next one

Yep! This one has Miroku and Sango in it!

If Miroku used his wind tunnel…

"WIND TUNNLE!" cried Miroku. "MIROKU! YOUR WIND TUNNLE!" cried Sango. The Samiyosho where flying at it. "WHAT?" and he looked into his wind tunnel. Bad Idea. "OH CRAP! CRAAAAAAP!" cried Miroku as he got sucked into his wind tunnel. "MIROKU! YOU BAKA! YOU DIED! NOOOOO!" cried Sango. She found a knife and killed herself.

Oh. Ok… random! Scary too! AHAHA! Next one! Do the honors Sakura!

SS: Ok! This one is with Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku and Sango! AHAHA! It's funny!

If Miroku and Inuyasha switched places…

"INUYASHA!" Sango screamed and slapped him. "My dear Sango, I apologize." Inuyasha said, snuggling Sango's hands. "God, your such a lecher! Damn it Kagome! FINISH MY RAMEN!" cried Miroku. "Miroku! SIT!" cried Kagome and Miroku went face first into the dirt. Kagome sighed. "Miroku, you're a jerk! I'm going home!" SLAP! Sango was fuming over a smiling Inuyasha. "Nice view from down here!" he said, earning him another slap. "Sango! I'm going home! Bye!" and Kagome started to leave. "KAGOME!" cried Miroku and he stood, standing in front of her. "Like HELL your going home!" "I need to do my tests!" she cried. "So?" "SIT!" Down went Miroku as Kagome ran away. Sango continued to beat Inuyasha until he said mercy.

Omg….. that was…. FUNNIE! AHAHA!

SS: I agree! Hilarious! Now Miroku know's what Inuyasha gose through!

Yep! Introduce the next scene!

SS: It has Naraku, Kaagura and Kanna in it! I guess this is the last one! OH! WAH!

Naraku smiled as he walked into a spa. "Ahhhh!" he said in a girly voice. "Hello Miss. Would you like to go into the female bath?" a clerk asked. "Um…. Yes please!" he said in his girly voice. He sat in the bath with Kanna, Kagura and 5 other girls. "Your all hot! I love you!" he cried and they all blushed and ran away. "WAAAAH! WHY MUST I LOSE MY LOVED ONES?" "Cause your so ugly" Kagura commented. "Yep! YOU SUCK NARAKU!" cried Kanna and they both ran off laughing. Naaraku cried and fell asleep. He died. People poked him. Poor Naraku…. NOT!

OMG! HILARIOUS! Well, that's it for today! Sakura, might you be interested in a partner ship for this show? I had loads of fun! I hope we can be partners!

SS: I have to think about it! But it sounds interesting! I would like too!

YAY! Get back to me on that! Well, see you next time!

SS and Me: Embarrassing stuff is funny… when it isn't happening to you! Bye! SEE YALL NEXT TIME!


	3. Episode 3! SJS

Things that will NEVER happen!

Chapter 3

Hey everyone! Sakura accepted to be my partner! So now she co-hosts! You rock!

SS: Awww! Thanks! Your cool too!

So! We have a guest to tell us about their scene! Come out Shikon-Jewel-Shards!

SJS: Hello Riku, Sakura! How are you?

Great!

SS: Fine.

Introduce your idea!

SJS: Ok! It has Inuyasha and Kagome in it.

If Kagome taught Inu how to do tricks…

"DAMN IT! I want my puppy treat!" cried Inuyasha, lunging at Kagome. "NOT until you fetch!" she replied. "I ain't getting no stinky shoe!" and Inuyasha snatched away the treat and ran away. "INUYASHA SIIIIT!" and down went Inuyasha. Kagome sat on him. "OW! GET OFF! YOU WEIGH A TON!" cried Inuyasha. "Sit, Sit, SIT!" she repeated. She did this every ten seconds, till Kagome fell asleep. Inuyasha ate his puppy treat.

Wow! A great clip, wasn't it Sakura?

SS: Yep! Very funny stuff!

SJS: Well, thanks for having me! I have to go, I'm meeting my boy friend, but he and his buddies watchin me. I LOVE YOU HUNNY! ……………………

Ok! Now she is gone! Sakura, you brought in one too right?

SS: Yep! It has Sesshomaru, Kagome and Inuyasha in it! It's funny!

If Sesshomaru got drunk…

Sesshomaru gulped down his 10th beer. Inuyasha blinked. "Yo bro… are you drunk?" Sesshomaru giggled. "Never!" and he hugged Inuyasha. "I love you bro… I really do…" and Kagome started giggling. Sesshomaru kissed her. "I love you too!" Kagome's eye's widened. Inuyasha growled. "SESSHOMARU!" and bonked his head. "OW! Hey!" cried Sesshomaru and poked Inuyasha's eye out. "Aha! Sucka!" and Sesshomaru passed out. Inuyasha passed out. Kagome passed out. Remind them NEVER to bring Sesshomaru drinking again!

… o….m…..g! That was brilliant! Great job Sakura-Chan!

SS: Thank you Riku-Chan! See? I told you this would be fun! OK, next one! It has Sango, Miroku and Shippo in it! Ha. Shippo.

If Shippo poked Miroku…

Shippo poked Miroku. "Hey! DON'T TOUCH MY MAN PIPSQUEAK!" screamed Sango and hit him. Miroku awoke to Shippo's screams. "Sango?" he asked as Sango was busy beating Sango. "HE POKED you!" she cried. "WHAAAT!" Miroku cried. He pulled Sango behind him. "WIND TUNNEL!" Miroku cried, removing his prayer beads. He sucked in Shippo. "Ok…." Sango said. "Sucker" "Yep. NO ONE pokes me! Except you Sango…" Miroku blushed and they made out.

…

SS: Riku-chan?

…

SS: RIKU

LOL! My friend squirrely would love that!

SS: ok then! This is the last one! You can do it Ri-chan

OK! This one is if Miroku and Sango went into a spa!

If Miroku and Sango went to a spa…

Sango giggled as they entered a spa. A man came up to Sango and took her away. "SANGO! NOOO!" and he reached out. Sango giggled as the man massaged her. A woman came and shoved him into a mud pool. Miroku started crying. "WAAAAH! SANGO!" he cried. Sango looked disgusted but went to him and helped him out. "Miroku…" and he hugged her, and they slipped and got muddy. Sango started crying. They both got out. They laughed and left. One happy, dripping in mud, one happy, covered in mud also. Now if you don't know which ones which…. I don't blame you, I can't either.

SS: OMG! That was SOME clip! Poor Sango!

POOR MIROKU!

SS: Ahuh… any way's I hope you enjoyed today's episode! Remember…

SS and Me: Embarrassing stuff is funny… whene it isn't happening to you! See you next time!


	4. The Exlaimer guy!

Things that will NEVER happen!

Chapter 4

Wow! It's been SOOO long! HEY SAKURA! –hugz-

SS: Hey K-Chan! –hugglz- Oh! I got's some clips!

He he! Today is gunna be EXTRA LOOOONG!

SS: Ok, this first one is with Rin and Shippo!

If Rin and Shippo got hyper on Pepsie and Chocolate…

"AHAHA! CHOCOLATE!" cried Shippo as he shoved more in his mouth. "FANX KAGOMEEEE!" he cried spitting chocolate EVERY WERE. Kagome hid behind Inuyasha. "Save me!" she whimpered and Inuyasha pulled out Tesusaiga. Shippo…waddled… over to Sango and Miroku. "Are YOU scared of me?" he asked after a sip of Pepsie, spewing it all over Miroku. Miroku screamed like a girl. "EWWWW! NASTY!" and he jumped into the river. Rin took a sip of Pepsie. "Sesshomaru!" she cried, spitting it all over his pure white robes. 'I will not hurt this lil girl…' she ate some chocolate, covering her hand with it, and started playing with Sesshomaru's hair. 'I will NOT hurt the lil girl…' and then she touched it. His fluffy. 'I WILL HURT THE LIL GIRL!' and Sesshomaru kicked Rin so hard she flew into the lake.

Omg! Poor Sesshomaru!

SS: AHA! Poor is right! AHAHAHA Ok! The next one is Sango and Miroku.

If Sango let Miroku grope her…

"Miroku! GROPE ME!" cried Sango. Miroku smiled evily and groped her. Kagome broke out laughing. "AHA! Sango and Miroku, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" she sang. Inuyasha looked disgusted. "Gross man, that's… JUST DIRTY!" he cried, covering his eyes. Sango whipped her Hirikotsu at Kagome, and Miroku sucked her up. Inuyasha stood. "Who wants Coke?" he asked and the 3 of em cheered.

… wow.

SS: Yeah…. Interesting…

ANY WAY! I'll introduce this one! It is with Inu, Sess and Roku!

If the guys got spelled Items…

"Sesshomaru… Miroku, I have presents for you!" cried Kagome. She put a bracelet on Miroku and a gem on Sesshomaru's forehead. Kagome whispered in Sango's ear. Then in Rin's. "Pervert!" cried Sango, and Miroku slapped himself. "Fluffy!" cried Rin, and Sesshomaru snuggled her. "WHAT THE HELL!" cried Miroku and Sesshomaru. "Tut tut PERVERT! God I hate PERVERTS, PERVERTS are so… PERVERTed! Don't you agree, PERVERT? Aren't PERVERTS annoying? They run around being PERVERTS all day, PERVERTED this, PERVERTED that! PERVERTS, PERVERTS, PERVERTS!" cried Sango and Miroku was on the ground, his face swollen. "Owww… it hurts… help…me…." And Miroku passed out. "Hug me FLUFFY! Hug me FLUFFY! Hug me FLUFFY!" cried Rin and Sesshomaru was hugging her tightly. "Damn you" and Sesshomaru passed out from to much hugging. "THANK YOU KAGOME!" the girls cried.

Wow! Lucky Rin! Poor Miroku!

SS: Yep! Ok this is the last one! With Kagome and Inu! And you guessed it… at a hot spring!

If Inuyasha and Kagome went to a spa…

Kagome smiled happily. Inuyasha sighed. "Well Kag-" and he tuned, already seeing her stripping down for a MALE masseuse. Inuyasha sneaked over and knocked out the masseuse guy and put him in a closet. Inuyasha began massaging the oblivious Kagome. "Wow! That feels so good! This is the best I've ever had! Oh yeah!" cried Kagome and Inuyasha blushed deeply; having impure thoughts. Kagome sat up after it was done. She got dressed and met Inuyasha down stairs. Inuyasha walked up to her. "Like your massage?" he asked. "Yeah! But what made it REALLY great is that I imagined YOU massaging me… AHHHH…. That would have been heaven." Kagome giggled. Inuyasha smirked as they walked out. 'If only you knew Kagome…'

Ahem. Inuyasha is a pervert! Who brought this in?

SS: I believe YOU did K-Chan.

Oh… -ahem- I knew that. ANYWAYS! Hoped you enjoyed this one! Come again next time!

EXCLAMER: NO-

Oh god, I hate exclaimers!

SS: K-Chan! Shhhh!

EXCLAIMERS: DO TO RUDE COMMENTS, ONE OF YOUR HOST'S SHALL DIE!

See? Gay comments... HUH? Oh crap! -runs away from mad exclamer guy-

SS: -Reading REAL exclaimer message.- NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED IN THIS PRESENTATION. APOLIGIES TO THOUGHS WHO ADORE MIROKU FOR MIROKU BASHING!

-beating the exclaimer guy up-

SS: -sigh- K-Chan! -grabs K-chan and kicks exclaimer guy far away-

Heh, he would've been dead meat!

SS: Oh, whatever! BUBI!


End file.
